I am the very model of a Modern Homosexual
I added the lyrics…
Great number from the wonderful parody musical “Dirty Little Showtunes” The lyricist is brilliant.
THE MODERN HOMOSEXUAL to the tune of “I Am The Very Model of A Modern Major General” from The Pirates of Penzance music by Sir Arthur Sullivan * original lyrics by Sir William S. Gilbert parody lyrics by Tom Orr from Dirty Little Showtunes! NOTE: Lyrics below vary slightly from text in video, as song has now been rewritten & improved.
I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL: I’M STYLISH, GOOD AT COOKING, A GOOD-LOOKING INTELLECTUAL! AT PASSING LEGISLATION, THOUGH, I’M LARGELY INEFFECTUAL … I’M SOMETIMES INTO S&M, AS LONG AS IT’S CONSENSUAL! I’M CLEVER WITH THE CRUDITÉS, ESPECIALLY ASPARAGUS … AND I IGNORE REPUBLICANS WHENEVER THEY DISPARAGE US! I THINK ABOUT ADOPTION WHEN I SHOP FOR BABY CARRIAGES … WHILE PLANNING OUT MY BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! Chorus: WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARY MARRIAGES! I DECORATE WITH TASTEFUL SPRAYS OF FLOWERS AND DRIED EARS OF CORN AND I WOULD NOT BE CAUGHT DEAD IN AN OUTFIT I’VE ALREADY WORN … FOR ESOTERIC SEX ACTS THAT ARE HIGHLY UNCONVENTIONAL, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! 2nd Verse; I LOVE TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE AT A PARTY, SO I DASH IN LATE … I’M JUST AN INTERNATIONAL MALE CALVIN KLEIN SALE FASHION PLATE! I’VE DONE SO MANY DRUGS THAT MY COMPLEXION’S IN AN ASHEN STATE … BUT UNDERNEATH IT ALL, I REALLY TRY TO BE “COMPASSION-ATE”! I LOVE MY GIN & TONICS, HIGH COLONICS AND OLD PIAF SONGS … I LOVE “THE WOMEN,” “ALL ABOUT EVE” AND “THE WORLD OF SUZIE WONG”! MY LAST TRIP TO NEW YORK, I SHOPPED UNTIL I DROPPED AT BLOOMINGDALES … FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! Chorus: FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING BOOMING SALES! WHEN I AM IN A GAY BAR, I KNOW I’M THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THERE … AND I THROW DINNER PARTIES JUST TO SHOW OFF MY NEW KITCHENWARE! BUT STILL IN FASHION, FILM, FINE ART AND ANYTHING COLLECTIBLE, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! 3rd Verse: WHEN I CAN DIFFERENTIATE ‘TWIXT “FABULOUS” AND “EXQUISITE” … WHEN I SEE SOME ANDROGYNOUS CLUB KID AND KNOW WHICH SEX IS IT … WHEN I KNOW EVERY DETAIL OF MISS MARTHA STEWART’S LIVING ROOM … WHEN I KNOW HOW MUCH — RETAIL — EVERY WHAT EACH WHO IS GIVING WHOM! WHEN I HAVE LEARNED WHAT PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE IN MODERN SODOMY … WHEN I KNOW MORE OF BRAINLESS BOYS THAN DOCTORS OF LOBOTOMY … IN SHORT, WITH JUST A SMATTERING OF GOOD COSMETIC SURGERY, I’LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING I’D LOOK FROM “BINGE AND PERJURY”! Chorus: HE’LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE’D LOOK FROM “BINGE AND PERJURY”! HE’LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE’D LOOK FROM “BINGE AND PERJURY”! HE’LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE’D LOOK FROM “BINGE AND PURGER PERJURY”! MY FANCY FOR THE NANCY DREW AND HARDY BOYS KIDS’ MYSTERY BOOKS AND HOW I THROW A PARTY SURELY PUTS ME IN THE HISTORY BOOKS! BUT STILL AS A GOOD-LOOKING, GOOD-AT-COOKING INTELLECTUAL, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! Chorus: BUT STILL AS A GOOD-LOOKING, GOOD-AT-COOKING INTELLECTUAL, HE IS THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL!
©1996. “Dirty Little Showtunes!” Tom Orr. All rights reserved.
OMG that was EPIC! So hilarious!
I loved how that audience member laughed, “Yes” at :43!
Comment by renethel — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
THAT JUST MADE MY DAYYYYYY
Comment by PorterMorrison5 — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!! ENCORE!!!!!!
Comment by theceddy — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
Laughed my gay ass off!
Comment by oprachrstenor — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
this is hilarious
Comment by hardfall3000 — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
this never fails to simply make me happy.
Comment by sabbig — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
Pretty funny and well put together/acted even if it is a bit controversial.
Comment by sharperguy — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
Hilarious
Comment by Darkstar1484 — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
He looks like a cross between Richard Wattis and Noel Coward!
Comment by dfarmbrough — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
where was it preformed?
…loved it!
Comment by alwayscoco — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
Oh. My. God. Whoever came up with this is friggin’ GENIUS!!!!!
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard on any other Youtube video.
Comment by Pengykinns — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
Wow such serious chat below from such a funny clip. Learn how to laugh people! No wonder we’re on the verge of nuclear war….
Comment by sephoramoon — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
This is actually pissingly funny! Very well written and executed!
Comment by auskinboy — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
Well done good work excellent performance you can tell the audience really enjoyed it lots of talent :-)!! Thanks for posting:-)
Comment by lalealynn — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
That was great! Thanks for posting this. A lot of hard work went into that. Heck, I don’t know if I could memorize all that and say it that fast! Love it.
Comment by gibbonsinthelibrary — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
this is quite hilarious.
Comment by pirateking24601 — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
more cute and live teenboys and gays on
teenboy. _de
teengays. _de
pimper-world. _de
Comment by TEEBOOLOO — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
I ADORE Gilbert and Sullivan. I’m certain they’d be proud. Well done.
Comment by PhilofMU — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
the lyrics written are changed slightly?
Comment by Coombsdrew — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
meh.. . yes and no.
It highlights stereotypes, yes, but it was compiled/composed/arranged by homosexual men who were - in my opinion - doing it to show how silly those stereotypes ARE. I mean, I know a LOT of openly gay people, and 99% of them are NOT like this, because this is such flagrant hyperbole. They’re using extremity to show how silly it would be to think that all homosexuals are like this, because they’re obviously not!
Comment by BlushingRoses — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
So hilariously overdone. i LOVE it! Said modern homosexual reminds me strikingly of Rita Skeeter…
Comment by VampSilver — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
True, the stereotypes are wrong, but it’s still fun to laugh heartily at them.
Comment by einstein2k8 — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
i really really love this. i may post a link of it being done on stage from another performance if i can get my director to approve it
Comment by Turner005 — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
Fantastic!
Comment by jamiefindlay1 — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am
Very good as a piece of stage work, although it highlights all the modern gay stereotypes that are completely wrong in the main.
Just my opinion.
Comment by julientw — November 12, 2008 @ 2:13 am